I don't really know where I've been lately. Physically I've gone through the movements of my days, but there's a lot going on upstairs. I haven't been able to stick to my plans in life, so it fits that I'm not able to stick with my wordless theme without straying.
Of course, it's when you stray from that accustomed path that you find the things that make life exciting.
I made a big move on Monday. I withdrew from Applied Voice. Not for good yet, I'll go back in the spring, start fresh, see if I can get the desire to sing back like it used to be. Hopefully I'll get back to piano next spring too, and if that goes well enough, (and voice doesn't) I might return to the keyboard for the next few years.
Many were shocked, and didn't understand why I couldn't just hold on this last month. Katie, the girl who pulls 17/18 credit each semester, dropped down to 12 credits? Can't even make it through voice studio?
I have my reasons, and I just need people to believe me when I say that this is something I need to do right now. I talked to Mitra about those reasons. Fourty five minutes later I left for class and she understood and supported me. And she said something to me. The most strengthening words I've hear in a long time.
"You're worth it."
Last night I finally did my research. I understand now. But one sentence at the end of one of the web pages hit me a little harder. "This is a life long disorder."
Those words have been in my mind ever since. And then I talked to Lisa (my boss) on the phone for a bit today and remembered one of the things she told me this fall.
"Life is too short to be grumpy."
And I picked new words from that phrase to focus on. Life and Long. Short or long, life is what you make it. I finally figured out a recurring dream I had when I was younger. Long story, but the moral is, I'm not given any thing I'm not able to deal with. It's life. And life is worth it.
November's theme. People. All of the people in my life. They are worth it. It's not the length of life that counts, it's the breadth. It's all of you that make it so full and beautiful. It's the people, the spirits, the energies around me that make life worth living.
Long way of saying I love you, isn't it.
(Squirrel and Twi, sorry if I made you cry again with this one. I try not to do it too often)